Animal Internet

Last holiday season was no different than the others - I gained another 10 pounds!  I was at my trough and saw the reflection of a sad overweight pig.  How did I get this way?  I knew I had to take control soon or I’d end up on a spit in the window at one of Don Ho’s Maui-ritaville restaurants.

I"ve tried all the fad diets but nothing worked.  Who can say no to a pile of turnips and Milo corn?  And when I tried to refuse, the farmers tempt me back by covering it in a pile of cow manure.   How can a girl say no to that?   

So how did I finally lose the weight?  With these three simple rules:

CUT BACK ON YOUR PORTIONS
Sure it"s hard. But it’s either that or land on a plate of Moons Over My Hammy.  

GET UP AND WALK  
Our whole life we"ve heard, “You lazy pig!”  But I"m telling you, a couple of extra laps around the pigpen adds up.  

LEARN TO LOVE YOURSELF
This one is the most important and also the toughest to learn since no one else loves us.  For years we"ve been held up as the example of overeating and ugliness - “Look at that porker!”  Heck, the only thing Jews and Muslims can agree on is that pigs are dirty.  

But you have to get past that.  Here’s the secret - find one small thing you like about yourself.  It could be as simple as “I"m happy I have a curly tail!”  Or “I"m glad my skin is pink!”  Whatever.  Just find something and keeps repeating it.

Follow these three steps and you"ll shed unwanted pounds and feel better about yourself.  I know I did.  And I"ve never been happier.