Consider This My Two Week Notice
I’ve been the national symbol for 217 years. During that time we’ve climbed from musket-wielding colonists to the world’s only remaining superpower. It’s been a good run. Flawed as we may be at times, this nation is still THE beacon for freedom in the world and I’m proud to have been a part of it.
It’s now time to let some other animal take over emblem duties. Consider this my two week notice.
This has nothing to do with politics. This isn’t about the war or Obama being elected or anything like that. The simple fact is I’m not getting any younger. I’ve been through an industrial revolution and two world wars. I’m tired. I want to do some traveling and spend more time with the grandchicks while I still can.
There are a lot of animals that could easily take my place. The condor might be nice - big, native to the country… Or maybe the turkey. You know, back when they picked me, Ben Franklin was considering the turkey. Also the buffalo. I bet either one of them would be thrilled to finally get a chance at bat.
Don’t worry. I’ll stick around until they find someone new. And it’s not like I’m gonna disappear altogether. I’ll still pop up here and there. I’ll be like Walter Cronkite. But with less white on my head.
Comments (5)
Hey Sam, thanks for the boost. But I like my freedom too much for such a bureaucratic job. Check with the Turkey.
Get back to me in a few weeks. I’m a little busy now, hiding until Thanksgiving’s over.
Hey hey, consider me! My svelte and imposing appearance will cast fear into the hearts of our Nation’s enemies, and be an uplifting icon of courage for its defenders! And I don’t hide during Thanksgiving!
No disrespect to the hippo, turkey or condor, but, in my opinion, what we need right now is change. Something a little more intelligent - like us chimpanzees.
We’re one-step removed from humans and we’ve already been to space. How many other animals can say that? Plus I can pick things up with my feet and fling feces 200 feet in any direction - not that I’m bragging.
Few would argue that in these times of turmoil, a little comedic relief on our emblem may be just what the nation needs.
So think about it for awhile and get back to me.
If you need more qualifications or have more questions, I’ll be over here picking the bugs out of my butt hair.
Thank you.
Disrespect, Chump, disrespect. It’s not patriotic to talk about flinging feces and delousing butt hairs in the same breath as mentioning hippo, turkey and condor. This is what McCain was talking about. It’s plain unpatriotic. I protest.