Survival? I’m The Guy To Talk To
We all have predators. That’s a fact of life here in the wild. How we fight our enemies is what determines whether we are crossed off Darwin’s list or live to see another day.
I hope you other animals don’t take this as arrogant but it seems that many of you over-complicate your defense. You bite, shoot smelly odors and bang your chests in a machismo display of strength. All a waste of time. I may not be an expert in either Evolution or Battle Strategy but I do know this: if you want to survive, stick your head in the ground.
Every time danger has shown her face I buried my noggin in the sand and waited it out. Lo and behold, I’m still here. The strategy works. Think I’m just lucky, an exception to the rule? Ask yourself this: Are ostriches an endangered species? I’m talking to you, rhinos, tigers and great apes.
Whose defense did coalition forces choose to first use in Iraq? They didn’t shoot smelly odors at the attackers. They didn’t show their sharp paws. No, they put their heads in the ground and waited it out, hoping that things got better. The US military is the most powerful fighting force in the world. If the ostrich strategy was good enough for them, it’s good enough for you. (Granted, that tactic didn’t take them anywhere so they changed strategies and went with the surge but that’s a discussion for another day. We’re not talking about winning here, we’re talking about surviving.)
Remember the most important rule of defense - If you don’’t see them, they can’t see you.
Comments (1)
Burt, you guys are among the most aggressive birds in town, and by sticking your heads in the sand and thus projecting your derrières into the air, you are provoking your enemies by forcing such a grossly unpleasant view on them! This is a terrible weapon that you use so casually! It does not jibe with your implied pacifism! Burt, I am personally grateful that I have never had to gaze at an ostrich’s unclothed derrière- I would have been rendered hors de combat by such a terrifying sight!