Animal Internet

When it comes to flavoring soup, other animals can’t hold a stick to turtles. Don’t take my word for it.  Try us yourself.  Order a bowl of chicken noodle or maybe some gumbo.  Next try clam broth.  Okay, now finish with a nice hot serving of us. 

Huh?  What’d I tell ya?

Why do turtles make the best soup?  The common assumption is that it’s because we move slowly which keeps our muscles tender.  Tender muscles, better soup.  However, I don’t think that’s it.  A lot of animals move slowly yet snail soup isn’t very good (no offense to snails) and sloth chowder is...well, all I can say is, talk about a waste of potatoes! (No offense to potatoes.) No, I don’t think it has anything to do with our physical bodies. 

I think we taste better because we’re more religious than other animals.  I know my theory is a little out there but consider this: flavor comes from deep within an animal’s bones, right?  And where does faith live?  Deep within our bones!  It can’t be just a coincidence that sloths taste so bad and 99% of them are secular.  Look it up.

Of course this raises a thorny question: Why would God make the animals who believe the most, taste the best?  After all, tasting the best raises your chances of being killed by others.  I won’t pretend to have the answer.  He cooks in mysterious ways. 

I CAN tell you this though, living a religious live has helped prepare me for when it’s my time to hit the boiling water. I will not be afraid.  Because I believe (deep in my bones) that I have gained admission to a better place.  And even if I’m totally wrong and there is, in fact, no God, I’ll still go with the solace of knowing I taste good and therefore my death will bring happiness to the diner lucky enough to eat me.