Enough With The Father’s Day Gifts
Dear Kids,
It’s not that I don’t appreciate the thought and everything but our family has grown to over a thousand squid and we’re running out of closet space. Another thousand Father’s Day gifts on top of what I already have and we’re gonna need to look for a larger ocean.
It sounds like I’m ungrateful. I don’t mean to be but let’s be honest, how many desktop boxes etched with inspirational golf quotes does one squid need? I already spend half my day searching through the pile of wallets you guys gave me previously, trying to remember the one I actually put my money in. I don’t need another dozen more. And I’m gonna be brutally honest, I can’t spend yet another weekend saying, “Cool! A set of gloves!” two hundred more times without killing myself.
I should have said something sooner. I wanted to but, well..I was afraid. Don’t be surprised. I’m an invertebrate. I lack backbone. Get it? Come on, this is tough for me. I’m just trying to lighten things up a little.
I love each and every one of you but we need to put an end to this gift giving thing before the situation becomes untenable. Pardon the pun.
Love,
Dad
Comments (4)
Hmmm......Squid family, eh? You-all look like tasty- whoops, sorry- I mean FINE folks! Harris, how’s about me and my buds drop over and celebrate a belated Fathers Day with you and yours? I’m all for this interspecies co-animal fraternization thing, aren’t you? Tell you what, we’ll bring the plates and cutlery, you just bring yourselves, and maybe a little tartar sauce. OK? See ya!
Gifts for Father’s day? Well, sign me up. When is it?I know I have lots of children out there. I used to be quite the ladies man if you know what I mean. How come I don’t get gifts? I don’t want wallets (no money), gloves (for paws?). I will take all the catnip you don’t want Harris. Hey, are you the one that lost an arm to those Japanese dudes? How do you keep their names straight? And you all look alike, how do you know who is who?
What?? Father’s day? Are you kidding? Maybe for seahorses and cassuaries but in the feline family males do nothing for the kids. We raise them and teach them how to survive. What does the male do after the fun is over? Nothing, zip, nadda. Even in the Big Cat families they do nothing. The lion sleeps all day, doesn’t like to baby sit but once a gazelle or wildebeast is brought down, is the first at the dinner table. All those presents should be going to us females. We rule the world.
I know this has nothing to do with your post, but I couldn’t help but to notice that you categorized yourself as a fish.I’m sorry to have to get all technical on you, but squids are mollusks, not fish.