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Turduckens: A Trip Down A Bad Road
It is the height of culinary recklessness. We need to nip it in the bud while we still can...
Diary of a Young Sea Monkey
I don't want to be just another branchiopod, chasing the beam of some flashlight.
Letter to a Fellow Ant - Stop the Steroids
Has the Roger Clemens incident taught you nothing? Look, we know you're using. Please stop.
Sarah Palin Shot At Me
Do I believe that Sarah Palin, an adamant pro-lifer who tried to take my life, is competent enough to take the reins?
GlaxoSmithKline Saved My Life
GlaxoSmithKline spent millions to cure my cancer. And they didn't charge me a penny!
What’s with the New Paparazzi?
They wait outside the gates waiting to catch me in a "not so raccoon" moment.
Debate: Salmon Helmet Law
Washington State is considering a law making it mandatory that salmon wear helmets.
I Should’ve Never Crossed That Road
One casual stroll across an interstate and now I’m in every joke book in America.
So I Hear You Want To Join The Circus
Don't. Trust me. Once you start, you never get out. It's like porn.
I Just Couldn’t Take The Nagging
The first penguin to ever file for divorce tells his side of the story.
Tell The Cat I’m Not Gay
Lots of straight birds wear flannel hats and watch soap operas in the kitchen all day.
An Open Letter To Rabbits Concerning Easter
Easter is around the corner and that means one thing - you'll be stealing our eggs.
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