Letter to the Berkowitzes
Dear Berkowitzes,
This is difficult to write. And I’m not just talking about the actual typing. I mean emotionally. I know the rap on me is that I’m a cold fish. Perhaps. But beneath my arched back and disdainful look beats a tender heart. A heart that can only take so much.
It’s clear that since that fateful day last August when you came back from Dog Rescue with Buster, I have become a second class resident around here. As you know, I don’t find joy in speaking ill of others but I cannot stand that dog!
True, I don’t have his personality - I refuse to lick your faces, I don’t retrieve tennis balls and I can’t bring myself to spin around in crazy circles at mealtime. Fair enough. On the other hand, I groom myself, cover up my cat box leavings and don’t hump the legs of dinner guests. Does that not carry any weight?
Every weekend you take him to the dog park to watch in glee as he drags his itchy ass across the lawn and chases squirrels up the sycamore tree. (Ones he never actually catches I’d like to point out.) I however, a real hunter, bring you a dead mouse and what’s your reaction? Run screaming!
I will not bore you with my entire laundry list of Buster’s slights. Suffice to say, I cannot take this favoritism any longer. I will be leaving. Out of respect for the many years we’ve had together, I felt I owed you an explanation as to why.
If you have a change of heart and realize that I deserve a larger percentage of your attention than that smelly ball of drool, feel free to get in touch with me. I’ll be under the Toyota.
Comments (5)
I happen to know Buster from the park. You’re right. He’s not the cleanest dog in the outfield. In his defense however, those squirrels you mentioned are very wily. I don’t see any cats getting them either.
Oh Snowball, as a fellow cat, I feel for you! Not that I recommend fawning, but headbutting Buster out of the way and nudging against your humans while purring loudly may work in your favour AFTER your humans apologize to you and coax you out with kitty treats from under the Toyota.
Yes! Yes! Here is a cat with real heart, real pride! He’s been under that Toyota since December 2006- I checked- he’s still there! When are you Berkowitzes going to welcome him back into your family? What kind of humans are you anyway? Do you care that he hasn’t eaten in two years?
This is a terrible story! Damn, that Buster’s gotta go! I hear he’s even dirtier than he was in ‘06! How come cats are always getting the short end of these dog vs. cat dustups?
Perhaps, rather then leaving, you should try and befriend Buster. Then you can get positive attention. That’s really much better then the negativity you are attracting by running away.
Positivity begets positivity, Snowball.