Comments (210)
Is this the place to find a date? You know, ladies, I am all male. I will confess that I’m an ex-feral but I have changed my ways, I have been rehabilitated. My Mom calls me her “handsome boy” and I am that and more. I have 2 brothers and 1 conceited sister but I miss the company of a fine, furry, sleek lady. There is nothing like a moonlit stroll in the bushes listening to the frogs croaking and chasing the field mice with a nice lady beside you. We’ve got some huge lizards moving into the neighborhood but they don’t scare me. Their attitudes are nothing against my experience in the wild. I can protect you against any and all comers. So what do you say ladies? Want a little excitement in your lives? I’m the one for you.
I’m new here, so I thought I’d nose in and speaka few words in the lonely-hearts column. Hey, coleman, you look like a decent fellow, and nothing personal mind you, but let’s face reality, dogs ARE mangy, they just can’t help themselves, it’s genetic, like Fate, Nirvana, or whatever. And I’m not blaming them- it’s just that they really need some cat genes to get up to par. (Now, I just happen to know where I can get hold of a good selection I can ship you at a really reasonable cost. Just take them before bedtime. Gets rid of that manginess overnight! Call if you’re interested.)
Chubs, my boy, I am sure sorry to hear you had to be rehabilitated. I heard it’s a tough thing to go through. I feel your pain! Too bad you’re so far away- couple gals in my family saw your photo and they’re really interested, but they’re so strapped they can’t even afford bus tickets- and our associate is such a cheapskate. Lucy told me she was thinking of signing up on this great site, so you may be hearing from her. Trouble is she just hates to type.
Flippy, I have just the guy for your wendi- my associate. He’s only 98, lifts weights and jogs, boasts all the time, and is a royal pain for the family to put up with. It would be a break for us if he would spend lots of time with somebody somewhere else and leave us alone for awhile. Wendi, you might be a bit too old for his tastes, but anyhow, I’ll mention this to him.
Alfred my friend. I’ve got an opportunity of a lifetime for you. I know how to score some high grade catnip on the cheap. We could take the profit and get the tickets for those gals to come visit me. Your human drone doesn’t even have to know about this. I have to tell you being rehabbed was tough but living out in the weather and hunting for food everyday sucks big time. I feel like I hit the lottery with the cushy digs I have now and all the chow I can eat whenever I want. I do miss the ladies though. So what do you say, got any spare cash you want to invest?
CHUBS, I’M TELLING MOM WHAT YOU ARE DOING!! You are going to be in big trouble.
Welllll, helllloooo Alfred. You look kind of cute to me. I like my males muscular but oh so soft in the fur department and you look like you might fit the bill. I’ll have to go check out your profile, big boy!!!
Chubs, if you tell Mom, I’m gonna rip your face off!
Bye for now Alfred - wink, wink!!!
I live with a bunch of personality deficient loonies. Chubs, put those claws away. I was just kidding buddy. Geeeezzzz, can’t even joke anymore when the horMONES are flowing!
I thought this site was for serious, intellectual conversations. Somewhere we could go to increase our knowledge and make this world a better place to live in. Instead I find alley cat city. Sniffing around for dates, buying and selling street catnip, flirting with strangers without being properly introduced. This is not the way I was raised and I am going to have to think about staying a member
of this site. Our Mom would be appalled!
You won’t sleep with me???? I am a male and you (unless you lied) are also a male. Why would we even consider such a thing? I don’t swing that way. I like to cuddle with sweet, quiet, dark haired ladies. I’m also partial to green eyes. I have some concerns about a cat that has a sheep and a squid as associates. Although my sister thinks your brother Morgan has potential.
Boy, this discussion has sure degenerated into something or other. Alfred asked me to tell you all he’s just lying low for awhile, not sure what’s going on. As soon as he read Chubs’ deal on catnip, what should happen but, you guessed it, the old knock-on-the-door, and HOO-BOY! there’s the Federales, the Feebs, the Feds,- wanting to question him about his “involvement” in the Underground Illegal Catnip Trade! I’ll tell you, we were shaking in our hairs! They grilled poor Alfie for two hours, and finally left him with a warning, saying poor Chubs was next on their list of suspects! Chubs, this is a heads-up, so if you have any of that stuff around, get rid of the tell-tales, FAST. I was out on the streets too, and met a lot of shady characters, so I know how it goes. I’d hate to see you having to huff it with the chaingang out at Leavenworth.
Alfred says as soon as this mess blows over, he will come out of the bushes and be in contact with you guys. He says he knows a big bird, a condor, who’s thinking of setting up an animal flight service. George, cool it, buddy, we cats aren’t as touchy as humans about this male-female-touching thing, besides, it’s easy to make a mistake when you’ve got nothing left but some short hairs.
Frankie, Thanks for the heads up. Got a bunch of good ol’ boys together last night and had a great party. Evidence is all gone. You should have been here, what a ripper it was. The neighbors were out with hoses and shouting at us to keep it down while we were hiding under cars, in trees and in bushes just watching them make fools of themselves. Like they can control us. I almost peed myself and fell out of a tree laughing. Luckily, I landed on Terrance, he’s a little sore today but otherwise okay . Feds are welcome to come, all we have is the legal stuff Mom buys in the house. Tell Alfred to come out of the bushes, everything is cool. Let me know when you hear from your condor friend. Don’t worry about George, he’s a little touchy about certain things.
Okay, I thought this discussion was about DATING! How are we supposed to get dates? I have investigated some of the profiles of contributors to discussions and have found they have some fairly stunning female associates. When I approached them via email about an introduction I get—NOT WITH MY SISTER YOU DON’T!!
What is that? I’m a pretty mellow male. Please don’t judge me by my bother, Chubs. I’m not like him, I sit with Mom and watch AP. I even contributed my own Animatorial. Heck, if any of you wanted an introduction to my sister, Velvet - I’ll ship her to you with a years supply of food as soon as that condor gets his flights up and running. So how are we supposed to meet the females, picky as they are, if all the males are guarding the gate?
You know, I’m only 2 years old and kind of small but I have a good heart. I probably didn’t get a lot of good nutrition before Mom found me and took me home. Anywho, I’ve never had a date. The only girl I know is my sister and she’s always growling at me. It’s enough to make me afraid of girls. I’d like to have a date. I dont’ know what you do on a date. I don’t even know how to get a date. But to listen to my brothers they sound like fun. So where do I go to sign up for a date? Anyone out there have any suggestions, or maybe a sister (a pretty one) that they would let me take out?
Gee, George, Mr. Lucky, nobody’s guarding our gate. Mr. Lucky, for a guy two years old like you who should be out earning a living already, it sure is about time you had a date! Tell you what, I can fix you up with one of my sisters. Now Katie is an older lady and blind, but she has heart, and is wonderfully kind, loving and affectionate. I think it would be kind of nice for her to show you the ropes on your first date- she’s been around! All you’d have to do is guide her a bit. Katie would love to go out with you, I’m sure. Want to give it a whirl?
By the way, Katie is looking for a Guide Dog- they used to call them “Seeing Eye Dogs”. Anyone know of such a dog who’s reliable and likes cats?
Ummm, Charlie, I don’t mean to sound ungrateful for your offer of Katie for my first date but gee she’s like 15 cat years older than me. I was kind of hoping to meet a feline closer to my age. I read Katie’s post and she sounds like a great feline and my brother George is really impressed with her instinct for survival. I mean, she’s like old enough to be my grandmother. Besides, if she gets a guide dog it would never work. I don’t like dogs, they make me afraid because they are always barking for no reason.
Why do I have to have to have a job? My Mom says I don’t have to work. My “job” is just to be cute and cuddle with her. What kind of a job do you have?
So does this mean I don’t get a date?
Well, Mr. Lucky, looks like I got the job of replying to you. We thought that offering you a chance to have your first date with an experienced lady would be great- give you a chance to get your ears wet and learn the ropes, so to speak. But, that’s gratitude for you! Seeing as how you feel the way you do, telling Katie she is too OLD for you, I’ve got to tell you, the other ladies in the group, seeing you’re ONLY 2 years old- still a virtual child- don’t have any interest in robbing the cradle! Lucyy said it well- “tell Mr. Lucky to come back and ask us when he is a little GROWN UP and more MATURE!” They also don’t think too much of your playboy lifestyle, not even willing to go out and get a job. Who’s going to pay for your dates, your human? Our human is such a cheapskate, he makes all the boys hold down jobs, so we don’t dare ask him for money! (Charlie, incidentally, is a Professor of Felinology at the University of Miami. Very Senior Staff. Earns more than our human.)
Mr. Lucky, little fella, you’re cute, and cuddly, and seem sweet, but you’d best stick to cuddling with your Mom and your toys ’till you’re a bit OLDER!
Uumm.......okay......I meant no disrepect to any of my elders. Sorry.
HEY, WHO’S PICKING ON MY LITTLE BROTHER????? Just because he’s only 2, you old maids think you can bash him and get away with it? And they call female dogs bitches, shhheeesh! The poor thing is devastated, won’t even come out from under the bed. You have wounded him to the core. I can’t believe you don’t remember what it was like to be young and full of hope. I agree, why should his first date be with someone who is old enough to be his great-grandmother? He wanted to meet someone young, cute and as innocent as he is. He should experience that flush of first love, that rush of hormones fogging the brain and draining away common sense. The fumbling, the stumbling, everything that goes with the first time. He would have been out of his element and probably scarred for life with someone like Katie. I think Katie is a credit to the feline species but I think it’s wrong to try and hook an innocent feline up with someone of her experience. I’ll find him a date we don’t need your help and your criticism. And by the way, Crystal, I noticed the lack of a job on your part. Seems only the males in your family work. What pray tell, do you do expect rip the hearts out of young, sweet, innocent, impressionable males?
For someone who has an adorable face like yours, your heart is very cold.
Velvet and I both agree with Chubs. We may not get along here all the time but if one of us is picked on or insulted we protect our own. To insult one of us, is to insult our entire family.
Poor Lucky is inconsolable. He feels his life is over and he will never have a chance at a date because he is young and small. I know cats, particularly female cats, can be very catty but that was beyond cattiness. Would you rather have honesty, and his comes from his innocence, or the sneakiness that humans always associate with us? He could have lied and said he already had a date but no, he told the truth and for that his poor little heart is crushed. You should be ashamed Crystal. He told you he was young and had never had a date and here you just jump on him with 4 paws full of claws because he wouldn’t go out with your sister who probably would have ravished him withing the first hour.
He will probably never come on this site again after you ridiculed him for the world to see. I don’t know who broke your heart but don’t take it out on my brother.
Hoo, hoo, hey! Let’s not turn this into a family feud! I’m sorry Mr. Lucky is taking it so hard! You ought to see how badly Katie is taking it! Rejection at her age and condition, and after her unrequited kindness! Great, little kids can have hopes and dreams, but they also have to learn that not every wish comes true! Sure his hormones are stirring and he may have visions of rapine and orgy, but he’s still just a little kid, and he’s got a ways to go before he’s grown up! You older siblings, you ought to know better than to encourage his wanton ways! Trouble will come soon enough, you don’t have to push him into it! Why does he think he’s ready to take on the challenge of some young temptress who will surely take advantage of his inexperienced youth and break his heart? Wouldn’t it have been better for him to have a gentle and compassionate introduction to the mysteries of romance from a wise older lady who had his best interests at heart? Well, I’m sorry you all are taking it so hard, but you ought to see poor old Katie, who won’t come out of her room since she read your posts and saw how disparagingly you referred to her. We tried to prevent her from getting to the computer before we could erase that nastiness, but we did not succeed. “Old enough to be his great-grandmother” indeed! (Wait ’till you’re in your cups, George!) And her heart of gold may be really fractured. I have never seen her so distraught, so upset, her poor blind eyes lidded over with moisture, not even talking to the others. How will we ever convince her now that not all cats are so cold and cruel, and show no respect for their elders? This is the first time in years that Katie had perked up and groomed herself so energetically, so joyously, in happy anticipation of showing the youthful Mr. Lucky around town. And look what it got her! Our human says he is going to spend whatever time, effort, and money,- even see an Animal Psychiatrist- it takes to work her out of this depression. And coming from a cheapster like him, that’s something. Talk about a youngster like Mr. Lucky having his dreams denied, how much worse do you think it feels for an older person in the twilight of their life, unexpectedly given one more shining opportunity to escort a very young, cute male around town- only to have the vision shattered rudely like a discarded shard of glass?
I hope Mr. Lucky gets over his funk soon enough, he is just a young kid and undoubtedly will. Children his age don’t keep pouts for too long. Katie never ravished anybody- she was married and had children, and was always faithful and devoted.
Maybe the best thing you can do for Mr. Lucky is to get him a kitten and some nice toys to play with- help him get over his pout.
Oh, paaalllleeeeaaasssee Krystal - what a drama queen you are and I should know, as I am one myself. I agree with George, someone broke your heart and you were trying to live vicariously through a matchup of Katie and Lucky. I think Katie is a smart gal and I don’t think she would set her heart on going out with someone so young and innocent.
I don’t even like Lucky. He’s a pest, he drives me nuts with his boundless energy, But he’s part of this family unit and as the matriarch of this family I am honor bound to come to his defense.
Are you so old and jaded that you don’t remember that youth and innocence represent hopes that HAVE to come true? Did you listen to your elders and learn from their experience when you were young or did you go out and chase your dreams? What a dull world this would be if we didn’t have dreams to chase and dreams that failed; hearts that swelled from love and hearts that broke because of love; wishes that we knew would come true and wishes that disappointed when they did come true.
He is young, he is brash, he is innocent and he will be disappointed in life as we all have. Let him have his dreams, let him experience the breaking of his heart, let him try to fulfill his desires - to deny him this is to deny life itself. We are all products of our life experiences, they are what makes us survivors. He has to learn to survive, to be beaten down, and learn to get back in the game for another day. Ask Katie, she knows, she does it every day.
To berate and criticize Lucky for his innocence and his truthfulness shows a lack of maturity on your part. We should be proud that he could, in his youthfulness, stand up for himself and not be pressured into something he didn’t think was right.
The previous post is not from Chubs, I forgot to sign in after he was done scopping out female profiles.
Mea culpa! Mea culpa! All right, it’s true that I started this brouhaha when I suggested a date for Mr. Lucky with Katie. I discussed it with the others; we thought it was a good idea. We meant no harm, and certainly did not mean to throw you guys into such a histrionic katzenjammer! We thought that it would be good for Mr. Lucky, and good for Katie. We SURELY did not expect Katie to suffer such mortification and rejection at your hands that she would have to see a Psychiatrist! And, we certainly regret any slight to Mr. Lucky, who looks like a fine young man. I’ll grant you that Crystal is sometimes kind of catty, and says some things that push the envelope; but then again, you all have said some very harsh things to her. Crystal is very sensitive, very caring, and very protective of her family. We have learned to roll with her emotions. That doesn’t mean that we don’t have our bickering, just like with you guys. I guess every family does. We don’t always agree. Some of us thought that Mr. Lucky was way too young to start dating; others thought he was overdue. (I was in the latter group! )
I just hope that poor old Katie can quickly pull out of the dumps you guys put her in. She will know better next time than trying to help a young kid out, regardless of what her heart tells her. She has a Psychiatrist’s appointment for this Friday.
I apologize to Mr. Lucky for any of us causing him any unintended slight, and wish him good fortune in finding the date of his dreams.
ENOUGH OF THIS. I am not some bug to be dissected and inspected under a microscope and talked about like a psychiatrist’s subject. No offense to the bugs out there.
I am only 2, yes I am young but I have the right to make my own decisions - right or wrong.
I am sorry Katie, I did not mean to hurt your feelings. I am sure under different circumstances and without our families’ interference, (what a nosey bunch they are) we could be friends. You have a lot of experience with life and have amassed more wisdom than our 2 families put together. Which is evidenced by reading all these postings from them. They give a whole new meaning to the word caterwauling!
I want my own experiences. When I was just a baby I climbed up into the engine of truck - why? Who knows, it’s that curiosity thing. My Mom heard me screaming at a stop light. She chased the driver down in her car, made him pull over and rescued me from under the hood. This is the first time I have attempted to do something on my own again. And what happens - I get dumped on by “elders who know better!” Big deal, like all of you never did anything stupid or rash when you were young.
Katie, you are a survivor. You prove it every day, you have shown it by all the hurdles you have jumped. Every time you land on your feet. I COULD LEARN FROM YOU! I will learn from you if given the chance but I still have the right to learn certain things that I choose on my own.
Please forgive a young, brash and stupid little boy. I still believe telling the truth is the right thing to do and I do not regret that.
I told the truth once, and it almost got me killed. Never again.
You want a date, Mr. BunnyRabbit? I know a hot little Dung Beetle gal who’s just rarin’ to go!
Elmer, if you’re looking for a date. Forget it. Read the previous postings. This is a tough place and you might get squashed in your pursuit of happiness. My advise, check out the bushes in your neighborhood, you’ll have better luck and probably be a lot happier. The scrutiny on this site is enough to make you give up on the opposite sex. But, if you are as good at lieing as you claim, you might just be able to hook up with an available female. Good Luck!
Hello, Chubs- I hear you are pals with my cat friends- they speak highly of you!
I’m not looking for a date, I’m looking for a mate. I crossed over on a boat, thought I was going to West Africa where my family lives, but I ended up in Miami. I heard of an available place, and hitched a ride to where I live now.
You can’t find my kind of gal around here. I’m pretty fussy about who I am willing to set up house with, and I won’t sleep with just ANY beetle. I’m broad-minded enough to be willing to give other types of women a shot, but they’ve got to understand, my standards are pretty high.
I know it’s a tough row to hoe at this site, but what have I got to lose?
I never said I lied, just that I won’t tell the truth ever again.
Elmer, My Mom has a great garden full of nifty insects. Hop a ride with Aston and check it out. I’ll bet you’ll find some snazzy ladies that would love to set up house with you here. Just be careful, we have a lot of lizards and birds that would find you irresistable and not in a friendly way, if you get my drift.
Gee, George, that garden of yours might be interesting, except those lizards and birds sound so scary! I’ve been lucky so far, but I don’t want to push my luck! Could you maybe catch them all before I come out? Life can be very tough and dangerous for people like me. We have lots of cruel and mean enemies.
Now Aston says he would be willing to fly me anywhere, but he can’t strap me on or I’d get squashed, and if I just hang on, he’s afraid the wind would blow me away! Drats! But he’s working on building me a special carrier that would be safe. I’m going to help by boring the holes for fastening screws. That’s my specialty, you know.
Do any of those fine insect ladies out there have bright red antennae? I’ve always wanted to make it with one of those gals.
Elmer, aren’t you a burrowing beatle? Why do you need a special carrier? Just burrow under Aston’s neck feathers. You’ll be safe there. I haven’t seen any beatles with red antennas but there are some really pretty orange and black ones hanging out in the butterfly bush. Just let Chubs know when you are coming. The lizards and birds give him a wide berth when he’s out sunning himself. Bring an overnight bag and stay a while. Tuck the bag under another feather, trust me, it won’t fall out.
George, you must be deceived by my squashed picture- I am really much leaner and longer, and my job in life is to bore holes in wood. Not just any wood, mind you, it has to be tasty. I’m afraid if I burrowed up in Aston’s feathers, I’d hurt him accidentally. Actually, I’m really afraid of flying so high and so fast on Aston’s back just clinging on! Anyhow, we’ve almost got the carrier finished, so that’s no problem. I will pack my bag (I bought a new one at the InsectMart) and get ready- gee, this is really exciting! I can’t wait to check out those gals in your butterfly bush!
You’re sure that Chubs won’t mind standing guard for me? I would just be too scared to face all those lizards and birds on my own.
Maybe I’d better say- my cat pals are very nervous about this whole deal, and they are trying to convince me not to go. They say it’s too risky, and that I am “heading into the Great Unknown” to face uncertain dangers. They’ve got me a little worried, but I’ll have to think about what they tell me, as they have much more experience in life.
Elmer, come ahead. What kind of mamby pamby cats do you live with? WE are predators, other animals fear us. I’m always on guard duty. The birds are always yapping at me and trying to dive bomb my head. The squirrels have got cuss words that would make a sailor blush. They are all noise and no backbone. You have to promise though not to eat Mom’s house. She’d be a little pissed at that. Besides, this way Aston and I can sit and iron out our business arrangements. I hope he has all his licenses by now. Let me know when to expect both of you. What kind of wood do you eat? I’ll see if I can get some. You’ll both be hungry after your flight here.
I HAD A DAAAATTTTEEE. I HAD A DAAATTTEEE!!!!
She lives in the neighbohood and came into our yard one night. I was on my observation table on the patio and started screeming at her that she was trespassing on private property and she turned her beautiful face to me and it was love at first sight. Her markings are similar to mine except she’s dark gray and white. Her purr is like music to my ears and my insides just melt. Wow, what a rush. That’s all I can tell you after all this is a family site but suffice it to say that my ears are definately standing up straighter these days!!!!
Lucky, my boy, congrats on your first Date! You never know, sometimes romantic feelings just pop up at you out of nowhere, and your thoughts turn to....... oh, well, you know what! Do you think that this might be True Love? Did you make a second date? Did you lick? You know how girls are, a lot of them won’t lick on the first date! Take it from a guy who’s been around the block, go slow, don’t let her get the upper hand! Once a girl thinks she has you eating out of her paw-- oh man, do they ever start taking advantage of you!
I’ll bet your brothers are jealous of you now!
Snoopy, my brother, George, says a gentle cat does not lick and tell. He has a great deal of respect for the female felines. He truly believes if they weren’t so determined to protect and hunt for their kittens, our species would have died out hundreds of years ago. He told me it is disrespectful to trifle with their feelings. Being the young one, I have to listen to my elders. I think his thoughts are good ones.
Suffice it to say we do have plans to meet again but I’m in no rush to push things. We are both young and just have to take things one paw at a time.
Besides, my sister, Velvet said if I posted the details of my date, she’d slap me into next week.
“Gentle cat does not lick and tell”, whooooooeeee! Lucky, I don’t mean to say anything that might offend your brother George, (and your sassy sister Velvet!) and I think it’s great that he’s such a noble guy, and has so much respect for the female gender, motherhood, etc. But I think he’s feeding you a line of bull. I’ve been around quite a while, Lucky, and trust me, this world is a man’s world, and men rule! Don’t let women pull your strings, buddy; they are here to have children, sure, but they’re also here to serve us, wait on us, give us pleasure when we want it, prepare our meals, bring us our paw covers, and be there at our beck and call! You may be the pipsqueak in your home, but I don’t want to see a nice young fellow like you so badly led astray! Never mind all that heavy-romance-go-slow-touchy-feely stuff your siblings are feeding you. When you see a girl you like, just dive right in, and strike while the iron is hot! Move in fast and out just as fast! Remember, the grass is full of nubile young ladies who’ll be grateful for your notice!
Littlegraycat, my little munchkin. I RULE THIS HOUSE. NO MALE RULES ANY FEMALE.
You live with Alice, a Queenly associate of mine. Wait until she reads this malarkey you are spouting and trying to convince one and all that you are the master.
Don’t even try to spew your rubbish to Lucky. He is being trained to serve and worship me. I alone allow him to date and have female friends. He does not choose and do. If he is nice and respectful, I allow him time to see his little girlfriend - chaparoned of course. We females bore you, nurtured you and kept you alive without any help from any male. You males owe us and we make you pay for that on a daily basis.
You remind me of a saying in the bushes where I came from: “Those that do, don’t brag; those that don’t or can’t, shout it from the roof tops.”
What I know of Alice, she wouldn’t take that garbage from anyone in the house, let alone some little braggart like you with an ego problem.
By the way, little gray munchkin, Lucky will never see your post. The Boys, only get access to the computer when I say they can.
Oh, Littlegraycat you and your blusterings are so amusing. I can almost see you typing intently at your keyboard, pounding out those words you seem to believe are true. You need to do some searching into your feline history.
Ever heard of Bast aka Bastet aka Protector Goddess aka Patron of Cats? SHE was a female cat who was worshiped as a lower Egyptian goddess. SHE was the protector of all cats and the people who owned cats. SHE was also the defender and protector of the pharaoh and his family.
There is also another goddess of upper Egypt named Sekhmet aka Solar Goddess aka War goddess. SHE was responsible for war and retribution against the pharaoh’s enemies. She used arrows of fire to kill her enemies and represented the destructive powers of the sun.
There is no MALE cat who was worshiped or given the job of protector of anything. Females have a genetic memory of all these things and we know we don’t need some little testosterone flooded male to take care of us. You males have your fun, then off you go to find another female. We are left to feed, nurture and protect our young. We even have to protect them against male cats who will kill our kittens to get a chance to mate again. This is not something males should be proud of.
You could learn a lot from Alice. She is a descendent of those two great female felines as am I. She doesn’t need you or any male to defend her. And I doubt she would serve you anything except a paw full of claws if you got cocky and demanding in front of her. Seems like you may be a little jealous of all of her suitors.
Calm down little munchkin and learn where your place is in hierarchy of feline society. You’ll be happier for it.
After all, I am female and everyone knows we are always right.
Velvet, the rest of us are growing rather weary of your silly bickering with LittleGraycat. I think it’s just that he’s got your number and keeps pushing your button, so I am going to have a word with him too. We already know that LittleGraycat is not the most mature of cats, and we regrettably must say that you share in that distinction with him. We think it’s about time to call a halt to this nonsense, and let’s try to behave ourselves as grown-ups ought to.
We each and every one of us have the deepest reverence and respect for our Goddess Bast, who is indeed and always has been the Patron Goddess of felines. In fact, we hold a Daily Devotion to Her, and several of us have for a long time become worshipful scholars of Her Word, thought and wisdom, as revealed in the Book of Bast. I must tell you that LittleGraycat has buried himself in the Book since reading your post, no doubt seeking Her authoritative dictum on the questions raised between you.
Ah, we may long for those far-off days in ancient Kemet when our Gods reigned supreme, and our people were venerated and treated with dignity and deference; and humans who deigned to harm us were put to death!
Oh I’m sorry Charlie. I didn’t realize that one of the rules on this site was that you are not allowed to have any opposing views. Did the Supreme Court rescind the First Amendment and I didn’t see it? I’ll have George look into that, he enjoys doing research.
Contrary to what you think, I don’t have to agree with what is posted by anyone, BUT—I will defend to the death his or her right to voice their personal opinions.
One last piece of advice for Littlegraycat - Never stop questioning the world around you, Never stop shouting your opinions from the roof tops, to do so would put you in with the rest of the boring, smug, complacent world. And most importantly, if someone disagrees with you, don’t automatically concede you are wrong because they shout louder than you.
Velvet, out of kindness, and being a gentleman, I will ascribe your brash impertinence to the foolhardiness of youth. When you get to be as old as I am, you may, I trust, learn to temper your words with the wisdom of experience. When I was young and being raised in a manner apparently neglected by today’s parents, I was never permitted to question or contradict my elders. The “First Amendment” does not apply to intemperate children who lack respect for their wiser seniors.
I do not know why you assume that LittleGraycat is deferring to your rather opinionated solecisms, but I can assure you that his ego is intact, and he most assuredly concedes nothing. He may shortly be posting the significant results of his research into the Word of Bast for your edification.
In the interim, may I suggest that you spend some time contemplating the major tutorial of youthful immaturity: “Children should be seen but not heard!”
Charlie, I think you need to read Velvet’s post again. Nowhere in there does she suggest that Littlegraycat concedes anything to her. In fact, she is telling him to hold fast to his beliefs if he truly believes them. I am the “Elder” of this family and Velvet is neither brash nor impertinent. She is a modern female who will not cower to the wills of others just because they say she should. She is opinionated, I will grant you that. Most times though, she is absolutely right.
She claims all females are endowed with the genetic memory of our Goddess Bast and I tend to believe her.
She sometimes posts things (things she doesn’t necessarily believe herself) that will get others fired up. She will take the opposite side of something just to see what kind of responses she gets. She loves a good debate. She is really having a good time over this whole thing with Littlegraycat and you.
It’s nice to see that you have such a tight group that you will come to the aid of one of your family. I’m sure Littlegraycat appreciates his big brother watching his back.
Yeeeeeeeeeeeeesssssssssssssssss! Alright, Velvet, now perk up your eyes and ears and listen to this! I have explored the Book of Bast from chapter to verse, and this is the incontrovertible Word of Bast (10:14):
“Unto my male subjects do I grant eternal Dominion over my female subjects, so that my females shall wait on their male benefactors, doing their bidding in all matters both domestic and consequential, and acceding to their wishes in all respects; demonstrating always a proper degree of humility toward men, and never presuming to gainsay their authority. It is henceforth my women’s task to bear children, keep the home, and serve the pleasure of my men. And it shall be my men’s task to nurture, protect and defend their women, their home and their children against all ills, whatever the source. So sayeth the WORD OF BAST for ever more!”
SO, Velvet, my good child, get out your Book of Bast (I assume that someone as devoted to Her Way as you claim to be owns The Book! Have you read it lately?) and correct your childish petulance! Men rule! It’s a Man’s World! Especially the Feline World!
By the way, I don’t need any “big brother” to watch MY back, George. I’ll take any of you on with my tail tied behind my back. I’m not afraid of anything, and I’m sure not afraid of a bunch of molly-coddle boys who take orders from their sister! Besides, Big Andy says if anyone ever messes with ME, they’ll have to deal with HIM!
Oh My Bast!! This young upstart has taken your holy words and perverted them to fit his own twisted view of how he wants the world to be - not how it is.
Those are NOT the words from The Book of Bast. Those words are from a subversive book written by a male by the name of Ramal Creasa. This book has circulated in the underground for years. They take the cover off an original Book of Bast and glue it to this seditious copy.
Apparently, Ramal’s ego couldn’t take the fact that female felines were given the royal treatment, while males were considered nothing more than vessels of genetic material needed to produce the next generation. Male kittens were not worshipped in Egypt because one male could service many females, but it took the female to produce and nurture the much-needed offspring. Females were given the best food, the best places to sleep, they wanted for nothing while the male sat outside and looked in the window wishing he was born a she.
I have been a scholar of Bast since I was a kitten. I have read every word about her. I even have an email pal in one of the Egyptian museums that emails me updates on any new information found on our most holy of goddesses.
There is a secret mark on the second page of the fourth chapter that identifies it as an original Book of Bast. Only females know what this mark is. It identity is passed from mother to daughter. Females are taught to give a false answer regarding the mark should any male pressure her. This way we know we have the real words of our goddess and not some alternative copy. Mine has it. I doubt yours does.
Most males can’t get past the first chapter of our goddess’s most holy words without their self-image being crushed. So I was surprised when Charlie said you reading the book with interest. Now I know why.
Oh, Velvet, oh Velvet! They asked me to write to you, because they knew that we had a friendly relationship, and they thought that you might be let down a bit more gently if I was the one who revealed the truth of this sad affair to you.
It would appear that you have been deceived, led astray, and even betrayed by whoever fed you that spurious legend about the Book of Bast which you passed on to us as if it held any truth. We don’t know anything about this “Ramal Creasa” individual to whose authorship you ascribe the invention of a fictitious underground simulation of The Book of Bast; he may well exist or have existed for all we know. I am sure that the Internet is rife with false representations of the Book, and that there are many gullible tourists and collectors who may well be duped into buying bogus versions of the Book. I am sure that there are many felines, unwitting and unsuspecting, who may have inherited fake versions of the Book from doting forbears, passed down with the greatest loving sincerity and with good intention; but which are totally counterfeit.
Perhaps this explains your evident misconceptions. Have you or your family perhaps, through some inadvertence or false step in your lifetimes, become the target of some sinister disinformation campaign? I don’t know the answer to that. But I do know that you have been egregiously, disastrously misled into a dark alleyway of misinformation. Velvet, because I like you as if you were my own sister, and I love and admire your spirit and tenacity, I am going to disclose some information which we would not ordinarily display in public, but the knowledge of which which is crucial to your youthful understanding. (We are reluctant to put this on display since it may attract the attention of unsavory meddlers and intruders.)
1) The Book of Bast is not written on paper and does not have a “cover”, but is inscribed on clay tablets in the ancient Hieratic glyph-script. In our humid climate, the tablets must be maintained in generator-protected, temperature- and humidity-controlled containment ’round the clock.
2) There are extant only a few authentic versions of the Book of Bast in the world, and their provenance is well-known to a select group of scholarly Feline Egyptologists. Our Book has been personally authenticated by Dr. Zahi Hawass, Secretary-General of the Egyptian Supreme Council of Antiquities. We have on file the letter of authentication from this distinguished, world-renowned scholar.
3) The “secret mark” to which you refer is most likely a soup stain left there by one of your predecessors, who probably invented that story to conceal her carelessness. When we examine our Book, it is only with the utmost care; we wear breathing masks, cover our paws with special gloves, and read only in a dust-free isolation-room.
4) Of course, we had to learn to read and interpret the hieroglyph script in order to read in The Book.
The boys have been regaling themselves with raucous laughter and crude humor at your expense since your last post. I am very embarrassed at their behavior, and have insisted that they show you some respect. I have reminded them of the many occasions in which THEY have been way off base. I am personally embarrassed that I have to communicate this kind of message to you, dear Velvet. We women have a hard enough lot in life without having to bear the additional burden of male derision.
Lucyy honey, it is you who have been deceived. Yes, I know the original Book of Bast was written on clay tablets in hieroglyphics. That’s how they did it back then. The only problem with your narrative is there is only one original clay tablet book and it still resides in Egypt.
My email pal has personal access to the tablets and in fact, her only responsibility is to guard them. She is one of the elite Bast Guards, specifically trained to make sure that no one destroys or defaces our goddess’s most holy words. This is a very restricted and honorable profession, one that has been handed down from mother to daughter for centuries. Their training is rigorous and life long beginning in kitten-hood. Part of their responsibility is to memorize every word the Goddess wrote from the original tablets. They can not become a Bast Guard until they can recite chapter and verse, word for word, everything on those tablets. She and I exchange many emails discussing at length the words of our Goddess and how they apply to our modern world.
In 1502 our Bast’s words were put on papyrus by specially trained females from The Order of Bast. These females were the precursors of the modern day Bast Guard. Her words could never have been copied by males, as they would not take kindly to her views on males and their rights - which aren’t many. From this one copy, 100 other copies were duplicated by paw and distributed secretly throughout the world. The cover, which you and your boys claim does not exist, was made from sacrificed camels’ skins. These unique camels were blessed by The Order of Bast and given special honors in the afterlife for their gift.
I don’t know what you have that you claim are original clay tablets but you have been duped and deceived bigtime. I have never heard of this Dr. Zahi Hawass, and neither does my friend in the Bast Guards. She confirms the existence of only one set of clay tablets.
I have a camel skinned covered, papyrus booklet that is kept in a secret vault. When Tutankhamen’s exhibit came to town, an Egyptologist came to our house and authenticated my copy. She checked for the secret mark and it was there. She also showed me a unique brand on the inside of the back cover that further authenticated it. She was so exited to have found one of the original 100 copies. She offered me tons of money for it but of course, I could not sell it.
The secret mark is still a secret Lucyy. Even I would not tell you what it is, if you don’t know. If I did, it would no longer be a secret.
Let your boys scoff, snicker, ridicule and jeer at my expense. I care not. I know what Bast’s teachings are and I adhere to them everyday.
Velvet,- my poor, benighted, utterly deceived compatriot in Felinedom, how sad it is to see how you have been cozened and led down a primrose path of deception and falsehood by the egregious misinformation which fraudulent and deceptive sources have spoon-fed to you!
Yes, there is a cult group which titles itself “The Order of Bast”; there are many such cults, such as “The Bast Guard”, “The Eye of Horus”, “The WIsdom of Thoth”, etc. These are cults, purporting to follow the God or Goddess after whom they fashion themselves; and which steep themselves in secretive and faux rules and practices, with “secret marks”, “secret pawshakes”, etc., ad nauseam. These cults attract enthusiastic but foolish adherents who enjoy pretextual ceremonies and practices that they imaginatively assign to their God or Goddess. The members revel in the mystique and secrecy of their hidden allegiance, but as in all cult behavior, often stray beyond the bounds of decency and common sense. Such cults are far from harmless. But of course, they are not authentic.
Velvet, from your description, we fear that you have become the unwitting victim of such a cult, and we fear for your safety and welfare. The extent of your misapprehension is so great that it calls for intervention. Fortunately, one of our number, Charlie, is a licensed deprogrammer, and out of compassion and concern for your plight, has offered his services at no charge to you or your family. If you would be willing to fly down with Aston, Charlie suggests a two-week intensive regimen of deep therapy.
Velvet, the Sacred Writ of Bast expressly forbids the making of handwritten copies of The Book!
You of all catpersons should have known this!
There are THREE simulicrae of The Book on inscribed tablets known to be extant in the world today. One is in the Museum at Cairo; the second set is in our custody; and the third is believed to be in the possession of a very wealthy but anonymous English collector. Some day, perhaps when you arrive for your therapy with Charlie, we will reveal the complex tale of how we came to be in possession of our Book. If you show yourself to be especially worthy and as reverent as you say, we may allow you a brief personal viewing of the Book!
Dr. Zahi Hawass, who authenticated our Book, is an internationally-respected and leading Egyptologist, who presides over the management of antiquities in Egypt today. He is a specialist in the Early Dynasties; and although he is a Human, he is known to be very partial to the Creed of Bast. Here again, we are quite astonished that you did not recognize his name and bona fides. To learn of the true Guardians of the Heritage, you may inform yourself by consulting
We are thus compelled to regret that whatever work of fiction you possess is obviously counterfeit; and the friends, penpals, relatives, and other acquaintances who have duped you into misplaced belief in its authenticity are either themselves victims of misinformation, or have had darker motives. Are you able to read and interpret the Hieratic Script? If so, and if you are fortunate enough to view our original tablets, you will then see that Bast, that most understanding and benevolent of deities, never denigrated or belittled males, but is an enlightened and Inclusive Goddess who judged all humans with equanimity and impartiality.
Michael, As I have a lot of respect and admiration for your sister Alice, I will not put in writing what I really think of your gaseous, blowhard, winded, wheezing, raging ravings. I am a Lady and am unaccustomed to talking like an uneducated reprobate. But let me say, this is the best laugh I have had all week.
I do not need your specious, hollow, fallacious and phony concern for my mental well-being.
Your illogical, irrational, unfounded and baseless conclusions regarding my being suckered and duped into a cult are positively ludicrous.
Now you have Aston asking Chubs to get me to back off because it’s upsetting your household. This started as a discussion between Littlegraycat and I and now it’s me against your whole gang.
Now, you are attacking me personally and accusing me of being mentally unstable because you have no proof that I am wrong. So be it. Better males than you have tried to crush my spirit and tenacity and not one has succeeded.
Remember, if you don’t want to get dirty, don’t be the first to sling the mud.
Suffice it to say, we will agree to disagree.
Velvet, dear, we are distressed to see you so upset by Michael’s post to you. You should know one thing about him: Michael is the most inoffensive and gentle of souls, and would never dream of intentionally causing you any slight. Nowhere in his message is there any personal attack, nowhere does he call you mentally unstable.
He was expressing the concern and solicitude we all feel for you as the apparent victim of a clever cult. Remember how all those humans were duped at Jonestown? Cults are dangerous things, and we supposed that a person innocently seduced into their fold would be grateful to learn of their misadventure.
Perhaps we should have said nothing, but we felt it only appropriate to reveal the truth to you as an act of friendship.
It is not surprising to see a reaction of denial and anger, although that is more a human than a feline response. However, you said some very unfounded and hurtful things to Michael, and his gentle soul is deeply wounded. Gentle and sweet old Katie, who has not forgotten or forgiven your unkind denial of her offer to date Mr. Lucky, is now saying that “a leopard doesn’t change its spots!”
None of us asked Aston to tell Chubs anything; he is aware of the silly tiff you and LittleGraycat have been having, and has probably had his fill of it. For all his size, Aston is a very serious fellow.
No one is trying to crush your spirit, or attacking you personally, or getting “dirty”. We don’t even have any mud to sling.
Charlie says his offer of deprogramming still stands.
Okay, I’ve been keeping up with this little spat between Velvet and LittleGrayCat that has been blown into an outrageous, multi-legged monster. It makes me sad, and yes, angry the way you all have ganged up on her. I can’t sit by and let you malign her any more.
Let me say that the decision not to go out with Katie, who has my utmost respect, was totally mine. Yes, I asked advise from Velvet, Chubs and George. They all gave the pros and cons of such a union but the decision was totally mine. Velvet came to my aid when you all ganged up on me for my decision. For Katie to say “a leopard doesn’t change its spots” is beyond cruel, even for her. Velvet, though strict and demanding at times, is still very caring, warm and loving to all of us. She is not a turncoat nor is she a deceiver.
Hazy wrote - “It is not surprising to see a reaction of denial and anger, although that is more a human than a feline response.” We are not supposed to have feelings? Why shouldn’t Velvet be angry because you accused her of being duped by a cult? To say she was led astray by some con job is to insult her intelligence. You can insult her and she is not allowed to retaliate? If she does offer proof, she’s in denial that she was conned? Do you see how stupid this whole thing is?
What about this statement? “Velvet,- my poor, benighted, utterly deceived compatriot in Felinedom, how sad it is to see how you have been cozened and led down a primrose path of deception and falsehood by the egregious misinformation which fraudulent and deceptive sources have spoon-fed to you!”
If that’s not an insult to her intelligence, what is? She believes what she believes. Right or wrong she feels strongly about her beliefs. But you mock her and make fun of her like she’s some weirdo that just crawled out of the bushes.
Hazy also wrote -"However, you said some very unfounded and hurtful things to Michael, and his gentle soul is wounded.” What about the hateful and unfounded things you all said to Velvet. How is it Michael is allowed to “feel” but Velvet is not?
Oh, Velvet jokes about it and reads the posts and laughs but I know her, and she is very upset about you all thinking she is some mental case that has been lead astray and has to be coaxed back into the fold. Do you not believe in the right of self expression?
You all are very vindictive and spiteful if someone doesn’t share the same opinion with you. If one of us doesn’t concur with what you wrote, the whole gang just jumps into the fray and starts verbally berating us.
I think Velvet has held up admirably under your assaults. She took every barrage and hit herself and didn’t ask for help from any of us. I know she’s not going to like me posting this but I feel someone has to take her side in this. After all, it’s her against how many of you? And every day someone new has to put their paw in the soup and stir it up some more.
Might is not always right.
Alright, this silly fol-de-rol has gone on long enough! I’m putting my paw in the soup now and calling a halt to it.
Velvet, you believe what you want to, and we’ll believe what we want to. Alice has just had a long “talk” with LittleGraycat and read him the riot act, and he has simmered down. He’s more interested in playing with Ellen anyhow.
It’s time for some peace and quiet, and maybe a good session of Animal Planet.
Say folks, I think I will put my paws in the soup too! (Ouch, that was a little hot!)
What I would like is a date!
Any of you young ladies out there interested in spending some quality time with a handsome, debonaire, well-endowed young man (that’s me!) who is well-traveled, articulate, and highly intelligent? I like classical meowsic, reading great literature from scratch, and discussing serious things. I also like the great outdoors and bird-watching.
Don’t pass up a chance for a great relationship, girls!
You can reach me by email at the Animal Internet!
I’m not too young to date! I’m a whole year old now! I think I’m kind of cute- my brothers tell me that I am! How’s about some of you nice boys out there giving me a buzz?
Say, what about a date for me? I would be a much more popular guy, if it wasn’t for Velvet spreading rumors about me! I think she’s part of a Vast Rightwing Conspiracy that’s libeling me with mud!
Don’t believe it!
And don’t you believe that my sis Alice tells me what to do!
I am a hip cat- swinging, smart, and into the mod scene! I like dancing, running and chasing, bird-watching, ball games, and lizard races.
If you’re a cute kitten, send me a message, and maybe we can play!
Hey gang, this place is as dead as a dog’s intelligence! I’m going down to the hangout for a spot of cold brew. Who’s coming?
LGC. Round 2.
How deep is that hole you dug??? Kind of deep huh? It’s hell trying to crawl out when the sides are caving in.
Bratty behavior is always rewarded but not in a good way. Cheer up, keep scratching at the sides and eventually the bottom will fill up and you’ll be able to claw your way out.
Alright Velvet, smarty pants, aren’t you! That’s no hole I’m in, that’s my FOXHOLE to duck out of the way of your insults and rumors! S
SO, how many dates have YOU gotten on this site, hmmmmmmm? With a smarty-arty attitude like you’ve got, I’ll bet NONE!
I don’t know how your brothers put up with you! Like all you fresh female brats, just don’t know your place! Like I said, you need a good spanking! Some good attitude adjustment!
LGC, I don’t need the internet to get dates, unlike some others. Alice will tell you that females of our caliber don’t need to advetise or beg others to go out with us. We have admirers that fill our days and night and actually interfere with our beauty naps.
I’m sure you’ve witnessed the comings and goings of all of Alice’s suitors. Do you think she advertises for those males? Where do you think all those little “gifts” come from? Surely, you don’t think Alice or I actually spend our own money to buy those things do you?
Stay in your foxhole honey. You’ll be safe there. One day a real female will come along and show you just what you are missing. Then you’ll be part of the parade paying homage to that girl that makes your eyes roll around in your head, your insides all mushy, and your brain leak out of your ears.
AND, as far as you giving ME an attitude adjustment - my little munchkin - you haven’t got the stones !!!!
Velvet, child, you’ll never know what I’ve forgotten! I’ll bet I am about 3 times as old as you, and I’ve lost track of the number of gals I’ve gone to town with! I’ve had more “real females” than you can count on all your paws! When I was younger, every time I would walk down the street, I’d have 5-10 beautiful young chicks trailing along after me, vying for my attention!
It’s not much different now! If I decide I want to make out with some tender little chickadee, I just zero in on her , and she is putty in my paws! Putty!
You should be so lucky! You WISH I had my eye on YOU, right? Ha! Like I say, before anything like that can happen, you need some serious attitude adjustment.
I don’t mess around with silly gals who don’t know their place and try to give us men a hard time! You’ve got a long way to go, honey, before you measure up to MY level!
As for my not having the :stones”, you’re just not lucky enough to find out!
Oh my goodness, no wonder you are the way you are LGC - you like chickens !!! LOL.!!!
I knew there was something strange about you. Did you pretend at one time you were a hen? Walking down the street with your 5-10 young chicks following you. I’ll bet that would have made a cute picture, you in the front and your little chickees all in a row following behind.
I’m sure those little “chickadees” were putty in your paws after you grabbed them with your claws, they probably died from fright, or you pierced a major artery.
It doesn’t matter how old you are LGC, bratty behavior is still bratty behavior. I love sparring with you though, you keep my mind sharp. But that’s not really difficult considering females are much smarter than males!!
LittleGraycat asked me to reply to you on his behalf, as he has been laughing so hard he just couldn’t hit the right keys. He says to tell you that you ought to know a lot about bratty behavior, as that is your specialty. He says you talk sassy, but that you must be so jealous and envious of his obviously greater intelligence and experience, that you’re all bollixed up.
He and I agree on one thing, Velvet, and that is that males are just plain genetically superior to females. Females can only think of one thing, because that’s what they’re programmed to do: trap males and have babies! Males, on the other hand, are the great thinkers, dreamers, planners, and visionaries of feline society. Males are the backbone of feline civilization. LittleGraycat says that without males, you females would sit around all day having jealous hissyfights and playing with your trinkets!
Oh Michael, I too find LGC’s postings humorous. I enjoy sparring with the male felines and poking into the dusty recesses of their mostly empty brains. Yep, I agree, males are definitely the “thinkers, dreamers, planners and visionaries” but it’s the females who are the doers! Males have a lot of room to think because they don’t put anything into action which takes real brain power like us females have.
I have no need to “trap” any male. Why would I want someone whose only interest is in having a good time and then he’s off to another female. Males don’t stick around to help with the raising of children, they abandon us once we become pregnant and the fun stops. We are then left ALONE to raise the offspring of some pneumocephalic male. The worst part is, that after all our hardship and suffering trying to teach the fine rules of felinism to them, they turn out to be like LGC - ungrateful for the sacrifices their Mothers made to keep them alive --bummer!!!!
“Empty brains”, huh? “Pneumoencephalic”, eh? You and your girl friends just wish you had our great brain power. Girls’ brains are smaller than males’, and they are filled with frilly little pieces of fibbertigibbet stuff. Girls just go “quack,quack,quack” all the time, but don’t make any sense. I call it babbleitis extremis, a universal girl affliction. You must be so jealous of our supreme brainpower, I can just see you writhing with envy! You girls are lucky we even bother to try to explain things to you, hard job as it is! We do what nature tells us to do, and if we don’t always stick around (many do!) to raise children, it’s because we are commanded to go out and explore new fertile fields of female opportunity! In the Book of Bast, it says (III, 7) “Feline men, go forth and spread your seed far and wide so that children of our race may arise wherever there is life!” So of course, being as busy as we are in the activity of procreation, we can’t be expected to stay at home and play nursemaid to children!
Tell me, Velvet, why are girls so jealous and whiny and picky? Is it in their DNA, or is it just that they wish they were males?
Frankie, this page has suddenly toned down again. There’s a disquieting lack of activity. This is ominous, and I do not see any good portents.
Do you suppose that we have silenced all who have had the temerity to joust with us?
I think our family may be right; we are probably just too wise, intimidating and formidable for them.
I had a very interesting and exciting date last night with a charming young man who is a yard neighbor. He is a Russian Blue about my age; a solid gentleman, and quite witty. What wonderful manners he has. I mean, how often does a girl get called for and escorted back to her very own door, in an age of quick-and-easy pickups? He is a scholar, and has an advanced degree in Feline Psychology from the University of Feline Studies (Southeast Campus). I can’t wait to hear from him again, but I mustn’t be too obvious. Men just don’t respect a girl who is too easy, that’s a proven fact.
Frankie, Frankie, Frankie. This is why mental sparing with males is so much fun. The minute you point out the obvious to them, they go on the defensive and their brains get all muddled, tangled and cluttered.
They come up with nonsensical words like “flibbertigibbet” and “babbleitis extremis.” Words that are not words and if asked for a definition, they are stumped. On a good day, males are lucky to have 2 neurons firing at the same time to make a complete thought.
And to further illustrate their lack of knowledge of the female mind they make accusations of petty jealousy of the male thought processes. Like any self-respecting female would be jealous of something so small.
You asked why females are whiny and picky? I don’t know about whiny, but I do know I am picky. Any female who values her self worth is picky. After all who wants to have children with the “seed” from some obtuse male. DNA always tells and we want our children to not only be intelligent but gifted as well.
By the way Frankie, if you want a perfect illustration of whiny - just read your post. It’s a classic example of the shrillness of the male mind. Give my best to your family.
Hey Snoopy, I read your post to Velvet regarding Ellen. Has she really been asking questions about me? I know she and Sir Nuts had a great time. I wanted to go out and play with them when she was here but Velvet said she was Sir Nut’s guest and that would have been rude to butt in on their play date.
I think she’s really pretty. You sound like you have a lot more experience than I do. I’m not real good at flirting. Chubs is too “in your face” when it comes to females and George is just not interested anymore so I don’t have any good role models to teach me how to flirt. I guess I’ll have to work on that for future encounters.
Tell Ellen I really enjoyed meeting her and hope she had a good time meeting all of us.
Yes, Mr. Lucky, Ellen has been asking about you, but she is being very coy, trying very hard not to let on that she is interested. She pretends that she is only interested in Sir Nuts, but we know better. She has asked several times about going back on another visit, “just to see Sir Nuts”, immediately followed by “by the way, I wonder how Mr. Lucky is and what he is doing”! We are sorry to hear that your big sister Velvet, who sounds like a real harridan to me, kept you under restraint during Ellen’s and Elmer’s visit. I guess we are fortunate that we don’t have anything like that in our family. Still, I’m sure that she only means to give you a good upbringing and teach you the right things in life. Did Velvet ever have any children of her own? Maybe she misses bossing them around.
When I told Ellen that you really enjoyed meeting her, she turned her nose up and sniffed, saying “....oh, that Mr. Lucky, yes, I can barely remember him, I guess he’s not such a bad chap..”, forgetting that she had just asked about you. Girls! They try so hard to cover up what they are really thinking and how they really feel! Ellen is getting pointers from her female siblings, especially Alice. I overheard Alice telling her to never, never let a man know she was interested in him unless it was the last act leading to the altar.
You don’t need to worry about flirting, Lucky, it will come naturally. You need to get out more often. Maybe you need to sneak out when Velvet is not watching.
Velvet, I kind of feel sorry for you. You’re up against some mighty powerful brainpower in Charlie and Frankie and LittleGraycat, and I can see how you might feel so defensive. Of course, you can’t hope to come up to their mental level, so you get picky and whiny and petulant and say things that you wish you hadn’t. Nah, nah, it won’t help, Velvet.
“Flibbertigibbet” is a perfectly good English word- look it up in your Funk & Wagnall’s. “Babbleitis Extremis” is a term coined by Frankie, who is a graduate of the UM Medical School and a practicing Feline Physician. It has already received preliminary approval by the Nomenclature Committee for of the AMA.
In a way, we know it’s not exactly fair for us to spar with you this way, because you are, after all, only a female, a secondary member of the feline species, and one ordained only to bear children and serve her menfolk. But it is fun to watch you squirm and try to wiggle out of your so-obvious predicament- what can you do when you wish you had the “smarts” to compete with superior males, and you can only dredge up a poor imitation?
When the DNA is given out, males always get first choice, and the leavings go to females. That shouldn’t make you feel bad, though, as long as you remember that’s female cats’ place in the world! Just accept it, and you’ll feel better right away!
Here we go again. Do you notice anything odd about these postings? First it’s me and LGC lightly bantering back and forth. Then when he can’t take the heat, he sends in his pinch hitter brothers to put their unwanted, unintelligent opinions into the fray.
Hello boys, it’s just me, a little ol’ frail female against the big, macho, testosterone laden males. I can see you all gathered around the computer, puffing yourselves up in righteous indignation because a mere female dares to question what you believe is the status quo.
Poor babies, your egos are so easily bruised and you have been so skillfully led into the trap of hubris by this one fragile female. There you all are, expounding for all the world to read what you believe to be the truth of maleness. You figure if you shout louder, and get more of you to expel the drivel of your manliness, it will lend credence to the falsehoods that pore out of your stunted brains.
I love yanking your chains and seeing what next will appear. Maybe if you get a few more of your brother’s brains together with yours, you will come close to making one female brain.
Sending love and kisses to all of you !!!!
Snoopy, you have Velvet all wrong. Sir Nuts invited Ellen and she was HIS guest. She would have done the same thing if I had invited her. Sir Nuts was so excited she was coming and he made all these plans. Velvet just felt it wouldn’t be fair to him to include myself in their play.
She doesn’t want me to grow up to be like Chubs. He’s fun to talk to and play with but he’s a little rough around the edges. She keeps saying he has no social graces. I’ve tried to talk to him about girls but some of the things he tells me just don’t sound right.
I will have to practice flirting in front of a mirror. Chubs says it’s all in the eyes and the subtle facial expressions. He does something with his tongue too but it looks gross to me. I can’t imagine any girl would like that.
If Ellen is getting pointers from Alice, I’m doomed. I know how Velvet acts around her suitors and they just crumble at her feet. I don’t want to be like that. I would like to get to know Ellen as an equal. Someone to share dreams and even secrets with but not if she’s going to use it against me in the future. Chubs is a little jaded. He thinks any personal information you give to a girl is going to come back and bite you on the butt someday.
Yada, yada, yada.
Men rule, girls drool.
LGC, I am stunned by that well thought out and intelligent come back. How long did it take you and your brothers to come up with that gifted statement?
XXX OOOO
Mr. Lucky, I read your last note, and I just wanted to say that I thought you looked pretty cute, and that you would have no trouble at all flirting with a girl. I think maybe you are worried too much. You look sort of cuddly and huggable, and I love your ears- I think they are sexy. You’re the kind of guy a girl would just love to wrap up and take care of.
Don’t worry about Ellen getting bad advice from Alice. Ellen has a mind of her own, and she can be pretty exasperating sometimes. I think that your sister Velvet is too hard on Chubs; he’s not such a bad guy, and social graces aren’t the only thing. It sounds like he had some bad experience with girls, and doesn’t trust us. Don’t you start off by being that way. I’ve found that you’ll gain more by trusting someone and hoping that they trust you in return, than just plain not trusting anybody. Of course, you have to use some discretion, as it’s true that there are people who just can’t be trusted no matter what. But that’s true of boys and girls both. You just need some experience, and everything will work itself out.
I agree, you shouldn’t be just a blob in a girl’s hands, like Velvet’s and Alice’s men are. As soon as you do that, they will have no respect for you. Of course, that works both ways.
I hope Chubs’ flirting lessons pan out for you!
Hey Velvet!
Roses are red
Violets are blue
A girl like you
Belongs in the zoo!
Ha ha!
LGC, If I didn’t know any better, I’d think you had a crush on me. How sweet.
Did you write that little poem out in pencil first? Did you have to use a rhyming dictionary to look up those big words?
Again, I am blown away by your command of the english language and your ability to express yourself.
You offer us another glimpse into the male feline mind. It’s so tiny, I had to use a magnifying glass to see it.
Love and Kisses Little Guy !!!!
Hi Lucyy. Thanks for the pep talk. Wow, are you flirting with me? I let George read your post and he thinks you are because you think my ears are sexy. I’ve never been told I’m sexy. Mom always calls me cute. I do like to cuddle and hug, I like having someone close to me especially when I’m sleeping.
Chubs is a paw-full Lucyy, you don’t know how difficult he can be at times. He’s taught me a lot but some of it does come from anger. He had a very hard life before being adopted and there are parts I don’t think he can let go of and forget. He’s my best buddy though, so I don’t take offense at what he says. We may get mad at him at times but we still love him. It’s not that he doesn’t trust females, he just doesn’t trust anyone until they prove they are trustworthy. I know he trusts Aston and Elmer, even with his life. He really is happy when they come for a visit. I don’t know what it is about those 2 but he is a different cat when they are around.
I usually do trust others but you are right about having discretion - I guess that comes with experiences in life. Oh, I’ve had a good education watching the males around Velvet. No way do I want to be associated with a “Queen” no matter how beautiful they are. I don’t know what these Queens have that make males putty in their paws but I don’t want to get anywhere near it.
I thought I had a crush on Ellen, but we haven’t heard from her since she left. We thought she had a great time with all of us but maybe she didn’t. Anyway, I would like to hear from you again - just friends of course - that is if you are not to busy.
Hey there, Mr. Lucky, you don’t want to get involved with Lucyy. She’s too old for you, and besides, she told me confidentially that she prefers long-haired orange cats. You need to get to know someone your own age.
You do have very sexy ears, and a very cute face. Of course, I am just making an observation, nothing more, you understand. Nothing at all more. Not at all.
I didn’t even imagine you might have a crush on me. I think you are pretty neat, although I don’t get crushes on anybody. Now, if I did get a crush, it might just be with someone like you, though.
My family tells me that I am just about at the right age to start going out on dates.
We might be coming up to see you this coming weekend, if everybody is agreeable. Aston is back from his vacation, and Elmer is raring to go. Is Chubs back from his vacation yet? If we do come, do you think you might like to ask me on a date? It might be fun.
I had a lot of fun with Sir Nuts A Lot last time, but he is a squirrel, and it’s not the same sort of thing.
Hello, Velvet! You keep on blowing love and kisses at me, and I’ll know for sure what I suspected all along- that you find me so irresistible, you have a secret crush on me and just don’t know how to handle it! Not that I blame you- I’ve had loads of women who felt the same way about me. Typical female trait, I suppose, never show your true feelings, but hide them behind the exact opposites.
I don’t need a dictionary to compose my poems and stories- I’m pretty smart, and I know lots of words. I don’t have to write drafts of my poems in pencil; I just type them all ready to go. That’s how good I am! Can you do that? Most women can’t, as they are just not as smart as us men. Feline men have much, much stronger brainpower, because they have bigger and better brains! I realize that this is a hard pill for you females to swallow, but that’s the way it is!
Yes, you are right, I have a very good command of English. I also speak very cultured Felinese, Siamese, and Catalingua. Can you say that?
Talk about small brains, if you tried to look at a female brain, even a magnifying glass wouldn’t do you any good- it’s just not there!
Well, well, she speaks. Hello Ellen, I didn’t think we would ever hear from you again.
I like Lucyy, she at least contacted me and she talked to me like she wanted to be my friend. Friends don’t have “ages.” Chubs taught me that. I would like to hear from Lucyy again because she seems very nice and didn’t talk down to me like I was a child. I think she a
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